Safe Harbor

A Love Letter to My Mother

When I try to put into words everything my mother means to me, I can’t. It feels physically impossible. My body becomes overwhelmed with all the emotions of how much she means to me. This has been the case for as long as I can remember. Growing up, my mom was my caregiver, best friend, teacher (I was homeschooled), and biggest supporter. Almost every positive label you can think of, she embodies.

As I’ve grown up, the relationship between us has changed in many ways but also stayed the same. One way our relationship has stayed the same is that my mom has been my full-time caretaker since I became disabled at 14. Throughout high school, she balanced being my teacher—finding new ways to adapt to my cognitive challenges—alongside being my caretaker. She had to keep track of my complicated medication regimens, doctor’s appointments, new diets…everything. Watching my mom step up without question and fill so many different roles seamlessly during that time made me, and continues to make me, proud to be her daughter.

After several years of trying to attend college part-time with accommodations, my health gradually started to decline. Nothing we tried seemed to help my deteriorating condition. By the age of 27, I couldn’t work, attend college, drive, cook, or do my own laundry. The lower quality of life and loss of independence was devastating to me physically and mentally. Still, my mom never let me feel like a burden. Her unwavering emotional support became my anchor.

The silver lining of my health challenges is that it did bring my mom and I closer together. We both had some of the same symptoms and diagnoses (like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). These shared experiences brought my mom and me closer on a deeper level. We shared a profound level of understanding because we both knew what it felt like to live with a disabling chronic illness, and my mom’s quiet but consistently empathetic presence comforted me. I saw my mother's resilience in facing her illness and tried to mirror that strength in my own journey through extreme adversity.

Growing up, I saw my mom as superwoman, not only taking care of herself as a disabled woman (she had to stop a law career after getting sick one day and never recovering) but also taking care of me. She taught me how to navigate the world as a disabled woman, sharing her lessons from 30+ years living with similar symptoms to me. Many days, she put my health before her own. I am very grateful for her sacrificing so much to try improving my own quality of life and making sure I knew I was cared for and loved through the darkest times of my life.

Like any mother-daughter relationship, we’ve had our struggles. No relationship is perfect, and I want to acknowledge that our relationship is no exception. We’ve had our stubborn days of bumping heads and not seeing eye to eye—like arguing over which diet is best for my health (I do love my sugar and carbs, ok!). But through it all, my mom continues to mean the world to me. Even though I still struggle to express the deep well of emotion I feel for her, what I can say is this: I would do anything for my parents and cats—my family.

So, this Mother’s Day, I want to share my appreciation for my mother, who has been my world—and given me mine. “Mom, you are enough…you have always been enough and always will be enough. Even through our challenges, I still love you unconditionally. Thank you for the sacrifices you have given me. I love the example you have set for me to make time to enjoy the hobbies you love. I learned kindness from you like the way you make others feel special and appreciated by giving them gifts like your handmade soap. I have absorbed so many good qualities from you, and I am so grateful to have you as an inspiration for my life.”

Even if I can’t fully capture what my mother means to me, I hope this expresses at least a fraction of how I feel about my superwoman mom. Through every wave of emotion I’ve experienced during my journey, my mother continues to be a lighthouse of inspiration for me. I know her guiding light will always carry me to a safe harbor of support and love. I believe the universe conspired to connect our souls as mother and daughter, knowing we’d face the same chronic illness. I am forever grateful that we get to keep learning lessons from the universe…together.

P.S.
I promise to keep showing my mom how much I love her—even when words fall short.